Counting Hot Dogs: A Journal for those that often feel like they were nobody's child

It all started with a roll of candy. Sweet Tarts, the vintage kind in the long white roll to be exact. As I sat in class anxiously awaiting the awarding of the decadent treat to be over, my teacher (whose name I can't remember but whose countenance I will never forget) made an abrupt stop right in front of my desk. Although her next action was probably in complete opposition to her intent, she uttered a painful truth that would ultimately guide me to my purpose, "I guess you're just never going to get any." The look of disgust on her face as she proceeded, continuing her quest of endowing with candy the students whose parents had attended parent teacher conferences the night before, is etched into my reminiscence eternally. It was true; if earning the candy was contingent upon parental presence, I was never going to get any.

Even today as I share this story with other educators, hoping to inspire, the memory alone is enough to yield a tear. The silver lining of it all is that she subsequently propelled me into who I was to become. While sitting there in my adolescence, feeling alone, vulnerable, belittled, embarrassed, and in emotional despair; my despair produced a promise- and I made a personal commitment to becoming a teacher. Upon doing so, I vowed to never make my students feel as empty, useless and helpless as she had made me feel that day.

Over the years, one of the first questions that I was always asked after introducing myself to kids, is "How did you become who you are?" I have often pondered similar questions about myself. How does an abandoned child become a mother of many? How does a girl from a broken home learn to be a woman and wife? How does she without any long-lived comradery learn to be a true and trusted friend? And how does a person that's been wounded and broken, become a builder of others and learn to forgive? The short answer, grace.

Voyage with me, as I reflect on different eras of both my childhood and adult experience. Simultaneously, empower yourself as you journal, reflect and define the many graces that are present in your own life.