The Dream of a Ridiculous Man Illustrated

The story opens with the narrator wandering the streets of St. Petersburg. He is contemplating the ridiculousness of his own life, and his recent realization that nothing matters to him any more. It is this revelation that leads him to the idea of suicide. He reveals that, some months before, he had bought a revolver with the intent of shooting himself in the head.

Despite a dismal night, the narrator looks up to the sky and views a solitary star. For some reason, seeing this star finally confirms his intention to kill himself and he resolves definitely to do it that night. As he is gazing at the star, a little girl seizes him by the elbow, distressed and seeking his help. He notices that, despite the cold, she is flimsily dressed and soaking wet. Although not able to understand her trembling voice, he gathers that something terrible has happened to the little girl's mother. She tries to get him to follow her but he rebuffs her, and when she desperately persists, he stamps his foot and shouts at her.

Back at his apartment, he sinks into a chair and places the gun on a table next to him. He hesitates to shoot himself because of a nagging sense of pity and inner pain that has plagued him since he shunned the little girl. He cannot understand how it can be affecting him so deeply when he has already definitively decided that nothing matters and that he will soon be shooting himself. He intently ponders this and other questions growing out of it, but he still has no doubt that the suicide will happen that night. Unexpectedly, however, he falls asleep.

He descends into a vivid dream. In the dream, he shoots himself in the heart. He dies, but feels no pain from the shot and is still aware of his surroundings. He gathers that there is a funeral and that it is he who is being buried. After an indeterminate amount of time in his cold grave, indifferent and expecting nothing, water begins to drip down onto his left eyelid. Deep indignation arises in his heart and he suddenly feels the physical pain from the gunshot. With his whole being he cries out a prayer to the One who governs all things: