Audiobook

Hey. Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one looking at the computer screen. I'm so glad you're reading about this. I wrote it and read it so you'd listen to it.

Now, here's where I'm supposed to say all kinds of hip, Whoopi-esque stuff to get you to buy this. Reading about this is just the first step. Buying it–that's a whole other contract. So this is when we seal the deal, when I tell you, in my own inimitable way, how uproarious and provocative this audiobook is, how out there, uncensored, cutting edge and whatever else I can think to throw into the mix.

Or, I could say things like, "Not since War and Peace. . . " or "Move over, Alice Walker. . . " or "This audiobook does for the spoken word what Pat Boone did for heavy metal. . . " Well, come on now. Let's face it, if this audiobook were all those things it'd be a novel, and I wouldn't resort to such low tactics. You'd just buy it and go home, or wait for someone to turn it into a movie. So I'll give it to you straight. This audiobook doesn't suck.

It'll make you laugh–maybe not out loud, but in that place deep down where you know a good joke when you hear one. It'll make you think–also not out loud, because, you know, that'd be a little strange. It may shock you. Hell, it might even get you to reconsider a few things, and consider a few others for the first time.

You can take this audiobook to bed, or to the beach, and it won't ask you to swallow, or rub lotion on its back. It doesn't cost a whole lot of money. And (best of all!) it's collectible. Buy a few–one to listen to and a couple more to set aside for your retirement, 'cause these suckers are gonna go up in value like nobody's business. Trust me on this. One to listen to, and a couple more to set aside. You won't be sorry.

And neither will I.